Bless Your Heart!
October 11, 2009 James 3:5-10
I want to talk with you today about a little phrase we’ve all heard and many of you use. It is especially popular in this part of the country. There are a couple of variations, but they all employ the same sentiment. I’m talking about “Bless Your Heart” and its variations “bless his heart” and “bless her heart.”
I found a little clip from fellow named Henry Cho – Henry is of Korean descent, but was raised in Tennessee. He bills himself as “an Asian with a Southern accent.” Video Clip
One thing he said is that saying those words is “like a slate cleaner.” Some people seem to think saying “bless your heart” excuses anything they have just said or are about to say. “Bless Your Heart” is a phrase people use to excuse themselves for speaking ill of someone. They use it not only when they are speaking about someone else, but also when they are saying something negative to a person’s face. I think it comes from a desire to at least give the appearance of being polite in any and all circumstances.
- Bless her heart, What was she thinking wearing that!
- I heard a lady say “That little girl has a face only a mother could love, Bless her little heart.”
- She probably thinks her hair looks good that way BLESS HER HEART
Is saying those words really a slate cleaner? Does it make everything ok?
How often do you find yourself talking with someone, exchanging pleasantries, and before you know it the conversation has become the “G” word – Gossip. I think we all have tried to turn gossip into sounding like sincere concern for others, especially if you throw in a “bless her heart” every now and then. We work so diligently when trying to camouflage our sins, don’t we?
James 3:5-10 5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. 7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.
The tongue is a small part of the body, but look at how powerful it is! It is likened to a spark that starts a forest fire. We have seen the devastation that fires bring, not just to trees but destroying homes and claiming lives. All from a little spark. The tongue can also cause widespread devastation in lives. It is that powerful. James calls it “a world of evil among the parts of the body.” (v., 6) and “it is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” (v. 8)
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Have you found that to be true? I haven’t. Words can and do hurt. The tongue may be a small part of the body, but it wields a lot of power. Sometimes it seems to control our heart and mind and body rather than the other way around. It is called a “world of evil” because it is involved in so much of our sinfulness. Earlier James had warned against anger and dead faith. The tongue often expresses those things. It betrays the heart, revealing our thoughts, and condemns us. The venom the tongue spits out can be very damaging.
Just so you don’t think I’m picking on those from the South, I’ve found some variations of “BLESS YOUR HEART”:
“I don’t mean to be ugly”
Sure you do and you know you’re about to be ugly or else you wouldn’t have thrown out that disclaimer at the start of the sentence. If you have to explain why something you’re about to say is not hurtful, you’re about to say something hurtful. And what is the thought process behind that?
“In Christian Love”
When someone says, “I hope you can receive this in Christian love,” get ready to be slammed. Seriously, no one ever says, “I hope you can receive this in Christian love,” and then gives you a compliment. You don’t hear, “I hope you can receive this in Christian love, but you’re doing a wonderful job.” No, it’s usually an insult thinly veiled as advice or love. Not always, but usually. Another phrase people will sometimes use to justify inappropriate words is…
“God laid this on my heart”
The author of a blog I found this on said that is like throwing God under the bus. You just prefaced something mean you’re about to say by blaming it on God. And although I do think that sometimes God gives us messages for other people, I have a hard time believing He ever asks us to say cruel things or gossip about others.
“I’m just concerned”
Sometimes in order to look smart or wise, you gossip about someone else’s problems, give your insightful solution and then try to gift wrap the whole mess with the phrase, “I’m just concerned.” But the truth is if you were concerned about that person, you would be talking with her, not about her. There’s a huge difference between those two words.
What words or phrases do you use to try to justify hurtful or harmful words that you say?
Matthew 5:21-22 21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.
Jesus said that when the tongue is used to injure your neighbor, you have violated the commandment “You shall not murder.” True even if you say “BLESS HER HEART.” And did you catch what he said we deserve because we cannot control our tongues? HELL.
Thankfully, the one speaking these words provides the solution. There is only one SLATE CLEANER, and it is not a special phrase we utter or excuses we make – it is the blood of Jesus Christ that cleanses us from all sin. That truly gives us the abundance of forgiveness we need to be assured of peace with God. That also gives us the motivation to want to tame our tongue and speak in a God pleasing way in the future.
ESV James 3:9-10 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.
If you will allow me a paraphrase here, we could say, “from the same mouth come blessing and ‘Bless her heart.’ My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so!”
The Greek word used here and translated as “Blessed” is the word εὐλογία from which we get the English word “eulogy.” It is a construct of two Greek words that is literally “good word” or “good speaking.” Its meaning is “to speak well, to Praise (NIV) or ….blessing!” (ESV/NASB)
Lest you think “BLESS YOUR HEART” is always said in a negative way, let me assure you that it is not. Those who live in the South know those words have various shades of meaning attached to them. It is kind of like the word “ALOHA,” which means hello, goodbye and even I love you in Hawaiian. It depends on how you use it. The same tongue that says “Bless her heart” in a negative way can also say it in a positive manner. We’ve already discussed the way it is used to try to excuse what you are about to say. Here are some other examples.
When your cousin Susie does something just plain dumb, and your aunt Margaret calls you up to tell you about it, you listen real close and utter a few “bless her hearts” when she pauses long enough to draw in a breath. That way you’ll both know that even though Susie doesn’t have a lot of sense, she’s still family after all, and you love her anyway.
“Bless your heart” is a form of empathy. It’s like giving someone a great, big hug. When a friend starts complaining about her rotten boss, her no count husband, and how the kids are driving her crazy, you can just shake your head and look her in the eye and give her a heartfelt “bless your heart.” It’s like saying “Honey, I’m so sorry. I know just how you feel.” I have heard those words uttered in the most caring way possible, expressing a genuine concern for another person. This kind of “blessing” comes from someone who has had his or her slate cleaned by Christ.
When we gather together here, we do so in the name of our Lord Jesus, remembering that our God is in control of everything. We know it, we believe it, we affirm. He is the God of Creation and Salvation and Sanctification, the one who made us and redeemed us and led us to faith. He is absolutely the one in control. But the question we need to ask ourselves every day is, “does He reign in my heart?” Or do I tend to dethrone Him and try to take over? How can we show the world around us that God Reigns in our hearts? Can we control our tongues, speaking true words of blessing to and about others?
Luke 6:28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.
Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Something to think about: Are your words saying “Bless your heart” in a good way or a bad way. Our conversation should be to bless and not curse, to speak words of love and peace and forgiveness and life because we know our slates have been cleaned by Jesus every day. And so I say this to you and mean it in the purest and kindest sense: May God Bless Your Hearts!
